Weddings are meant to unite families, but sometimes they reveal hidden tensions. One reader saw her daughter-in-law’s true colors on the big day — and now fears it could damage her relationship with her son.
This is Joan’s story.
Hi!
My son recently got married to a woman I don’t know very well. Since they live in another state, I only met her a few days before the wedding. She seemed nice at first, but she shocked me by mocking me for being a vegan.
There was some tension between us from the start, but I attended the wedding for my son — he’s my pride and joy, and I wanted to see him happy. At the reception, I noticed there was no assigned seating, so I chose a table marked with a sign for a “vegan option.”
When the meal arrived, I was horrified — the vegetables looked rotten. I asked the waitress for a salad, only to be told I’d have to pay extra, since only one vegetarian meal had been reserved. The salad would come from the regular menu.
I stood up to leave, feeling unwelcome at my own son’s wedding. Then he came over and said, “You’ll regret this, Mom. If you leave now, just forget us.” I was shocked — how could he say something like that? I thought I had raised him better.
I replied honestly, saying, “I came for you, but I won’t sit at a table where I’m mocked and then told to pay extra for a meal because the food I was served was expired.” With that, I turned around and left. I haven’t heard from my son since.
A few days later, my DIL called, accusing me of being selfish for hurting my son and ruining the reception. She claimed most of my family left after I did, siding with me. I stayed quiet and let her rant — but the worst part? She actually expected an apology.
I told her that she was the one who had been disrespecting me since the day we met. I don’t want to lose my son, but I’m not going to lose my pride either. If my son wanted to make things right, he could contact me himself.
It’s been two weeks, and I still haven’t heard from him. Was I wrong to walk out of my son’s wedding reception — and possibly jeopardize our relationship — over a meal?
Regards,
– Joan P.
Thank you for reaching out, Joan. We understand how challenging this situation must be, and we’ve put together some tips that may help.
Address the food problem separately from the relationship problem.
It’s understandable to be upset by the spoiled vegan dish and the lack of proper accommodations. Still, your son may have seen your leaving as a rejection of him rather than the meal. Reach out and explain gently: “I left because I felt disrespected by the situation, not because I didn’t want to celebrate your marriage.” That distinction may help heal the rift.
Avoid getting into power struggles with your DIL.
It sounds like your daughter-in-law thrives on confrontation, and right now, trying to “win” against her may only push your son further away. Instead, keep communication direct with him whenever possible. Focus on your bond with your son, and let him see through time and consistency that you want to be part of his life without getting caught in arguments.
Reach out in peace while staying true to your values.
There’s no need to apologize for your lifestyle or for defending yourself. But it can help to recognize that walking out may have hurt him more than you realized. Try saying, “I wish I had handled it differently—I love you, and your happiness matters more to me than any meal.” This approach softens the tension while keeping your principles intact.